Tag Archives: father’s day

Man’s Prayer

Posted by Thandie.

Me, Kerry Washingto and Eve at V-DAY's Viva Revolution! fundraiser at Urban Zen on June 8, 2011

Me, Kerry Washington and Eve at V-DAY’s Viva Revolution! fundraiser at Urban Zen on June 8, 2011

Eve Ensler’s ‘Man Prayer’ has been described as being “for all men” and those behind the film say: “we hope all of you will watch it and share it with every man you know”. Every time I see Man Prayer I’m reminded of the power that comes from unity between men and men, and women and men.

I’m reminded of the strength that comes from vulnerability, and truth. One certainly leads to the other.

Oh the beauty of tenderness and vulnerability! The idea that tenderness is ‘weak’ holds no water.

In fact, allowing truth to be the motivation for action creates a force stronger than any more complex plan of attack! The simplicity of truth will always be more powerful than fabrication, control, intimidation and so on. To accept ourselves as we are, and to love ourselves for that, liberates us from the insecurity that so often prompts us to compete and condemn.

Society’s tall tale of Alpha men physically dominating women as a show of their power – is proving to be a fatal flaw in our narrative.

It’s the same narrative we see playing out in our domination of the environment, animal life, sea life and the plundering of other country’s resources. article-2273733-175C0CA7000005DC-543_634x940-1

But this artificial state of domination requires constant application, otherwise the natural state of balance will reveal itself. It’s been so long since any majority has enjoyed ‘balance’ that it’s impossible to imagine ourselves living that way.

But we do what we can. One Billion Rising grows every year – it’s our call to (peaceful) action, and our demand for awareness that ONE IN THREE women will suffer violence at the hands of men in her lifetime (an official UN statistic). That’s ONE BILLION women, on our planet, right now.

Eve wrote Man Prayer after meeting Gyalwang Karmapa at TED India, and was inspired by his commitment to the 1 Billion Rising movement. Eve then turned the prayer into a film with filmmaker Tony Stroebel. It’s the perfect gift to share with fathers, grandfathers, sons, husbands, boyfriends and friends. It could be the start of someone’s own desire to create balance, truth, peace, love.

“Man Prayer” – words by Eve Ensler, film by Tony Stroebel.

 

 

Eve has adapted her shattering and magnificent book ‘In The Body of the World’ into a play. It premieres at The American Repertory Theatre – watch the trailer here:

 

 

Going easy on the male grooming

Post by Kay

In the last ten years young men in particular have really embraced the whole male grooming thing. Call it ‘equality’, but they’ve been getting used to what us ladies have been enduring for centuries: the pressure to conform to a narrow physical archetype.

With Men’s Health magazine-type magazines featuring 8-packed men being ‘happy and confident-looking’ on their covers, and gorgeous men with equally gorgeous admirers advertising skincare/hair products to match their fantastic lifestyles, the pressure is ON for men to look as good on our arm, as we have felt the pressure to look good enough to get on theirs since, erhm, forever.

And just like us, they can be on both ends of the spectrum in the form of un-groomed, or overly groomed.

For me, being (*insert loud, distracting cough*) what is often called a woman of a certain age/middle-aged,  grooming has become more about psychological and physical maintenance rather than anything else. If I’m totally honest, I now vacillate between ‘finally being with the wisdom of my true self’, and my feeling as though I’m clinging onto the last remains of my ‘looks’ as I enter the ‘invisible years’.

Pressure to conform

When I was younger, especially as a Londoner growing up in post-punk Britain, I felt absolutely no pressure to conform. In fact, I felt more (internal) pressure to be as unusual as possible, and luckily, the whole perfunctory removal of all body hair had not made it past the porn industry and into the adolescent, putty-like psyche of 1980’s girl-time. Female punks had just liberated us with their visible underarm hair, and guess what Millennials? Pubic hair was not seen as disgusting-imagine!

So that’s one woman’s tale, now back to the Men!

Bob Marley, Tunde Adepimbe and Idris Elba thandiekay.com

Bob Marley, Tunde Adepimbe and Idris Elba

Being a pre-millennial, I grew up with the dubious archetype of ‘men being men’ whatever that means. Although I’d never deny that looks count, I learnt that an obviously vain man was simply not ‘manly’. The idea of fighting for the mirror in the bathroom with a man was just a no-no. Clean? Sure. Manicured? Just no.

But how things have changed. Years ago, if a man had clearly plucked his eyebrows, and was not wearing a wig and make-up, you’d think he was an off-work drag queen out doing his errands without wanting any fuss and bother, the only giveaway being those two perfectly defined arches about his eyes. Now of course, you have straight men everywhere with the eyebrows of a Kardashian.

And it happens with hairlines too: the reshaping of the hairline. Overenthusiasm in both of these departments, whether you’re a guy or a girl, can give a slightly unbalanced or odd appearance. To some degree, we’ve all been there- to the land of body dysmorphia, personally I will always look far fatter than I am, and now that I’m of a ‘certain flipping age’, in weaker moments I’ve added ‘looking older than I am’ for an added scab of self-criticism to pick upon. Many of us have stuff like that to work on which distracts us from being happy and getting on with the art of living.

Jimi Hendrix, Malachi Kerbe and Chiwetel Ejiofor thandiekay.com

Jimi Hendrix, Malachi Kerbe and Chiwetel Ejiofor

So as long as we are investigating where our impulses to ‘self-correct’ come from, and we are working on being kinder, more accepting and loving of ourselves, and focus more on finding fulfillness via enriching experiences with others and nurturing rather than correcting, then our exterior selves can become something we make the best of, and rather like your home, as a reflection of our attitude, a contentment with who you are, and of self-care.

A little subtle Male Maintenance for Father’s Day

Men, we love your maleness, we love you with hair, and we love you even when there’s not so much of it on your head anymore. But like us ladies, hair tends to grow in some strange ‘ol places as we get on! So if you have some unwanted guests of a follicle nature growing out of your nose and ears, these trimmers make an ideal gift!

Groom Mate Platinum XL Plus Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer

Groom Mate Platinum XL Plus Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer

 Available at Amazon

 

This gift idea is inspired by my boyf, who’s got the whole short, (non-hipster size FYI!) right-amount-of-got-out-of-bed-ness beard going on. He uses a trimmer. So how about this Philips Norelco QT4070 Vacuum Beard, Stubble and Mustache Trimmer Pro? It has a very long name so it must be good right?

 Philips Norelco QT4070 Vacuum Beard, Stubble and Mustache Trimmer Pro

Philips Norelco QT4070 Vacuum Beard, Stubble and Mustache Trimmer Pro

 

 

Don’t Forget Your Feet!

You could be the kindest, hottest looking, most interesting and intelligent man, but if the shoes come off and you have the soles and toes of a neglected Elephant in dry season…well let’s just say a little something could be done about that. Thandie LOVES her footfiler, don’t get her started on how much satisfied she is with it. It’s the little things. Her’s one especially for MEN. It must have a much more butch action or something, you must need more strength to use it, isn’t that right ladies! The Micro Pedi MAN Rapid Hard Skin Remover by Emoji

 MICRO Pedi MAN Rapid Hard Skin Remover from Emjoi

 

 

‘He’s Gotta Have it’- Cool Cufflinks!

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Post by Kay

It’s Father’s Day this Sunday the 19th so this week we’ll be posting Gift Ideas for the Fathers in our lives.

I’m a big fan of traditional menswear, and I love how men can express just a tiny touch of sartorial daring in the form of socks, a tie, a hat or Cufflinks!

Forget buttons, cufflinks are waaaay cooler- in fact I’ve often thought how much I’d love to wear more classic shirts myself as an excuse to start collecting and wearing vintage cufflinks. Instead of rings, bracelets and necklaces, cufflinks are simply great jewellery, adding a big touch of personality into a small area.

An ultimate touch of whimsy.

For the man who loves basketball? What about these basketball cufflinks by Deakin & Francis?

Perhaps a little pricey for most but Barney’s also have these super-chic knotted silk Cufflinks at only $12Barneys NY Cufflinks thandiekay.com

Or what about a little Native American history with these Indian Head Penny Cuff Links? Crafted from authentic Indian Head Pennies (minted from 1859-1909) that have been soldered to the front of one coin and to the back of the other to celebrate both sides. Measures 3/4″ in diameter. Each pair of cuff links comes gift-boxed with a Certificate of Authenticity. The Indian Head Penny was designed by James Barton Longacre, the Chief Engraver at the Philadelphia Mint. They are highly valued for their red copper luster, and are considered by many collectors to be one of the most aesthetically pleasing coins ever minted. They are $75.

http-::tokens-icons.com:collections:historic-cuff-links:products:indian-head-penny-cuff-links thandiekay.comWearing Africa on his sleeve! These Gold-plated, African Flag cufflinks add the perfect dash of strong colour to a dark suit. $39.05

African flag cufflinks thandiekay.com

 

So these need no explanation, they are SO thandiekay! Whodda-thunk you could get FRO CUFFLINKS???

Well you can, and they’re only $23.15. The ideal way to wear a woman on his arm.

Afro Cufflinks thandiekay.com

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