Are you attracting people generally who are not the best for you? Can’t you find the right relationship partner? Both genders could attract partners who aren’t consistent, don’t want to commit, are emotionally unavailable, dishonest, moody or have anger issues, are unfaithful or have addictions, or any object that may prevent them from forming deep and meaningful relationships. As a woman, a common issue could be to attract inconsistent, hot, and cold men…
They usually start out showing genuine interest and a lot of affection, only to pull away or even ghost you all of a sudden. This article doesn’t only apply to romantic partners, but it can also be true for people generally in your life. If you keep attracting people or relationship partners who are flaky, and wishy-washy, chances are, you are either doing or not doing something that’s blocking the man of your desire to show up in your life.
The sad reality is that more and more people are single these days, and many in their thirties or forties prefer to be alone rather than in an unsatisfactory relationship. The pandemic, our individualistic society, the time, energy, and the chance to socialize all don’t make it easier to find the right partner. And we all know how dating apps may only work for a very few… No matter how much we learn and know about men and relationships, our past matters a lot.
What Feels Normal to You?
Including what feels normal to us from our original family, as well as our past relationship patterns. Unconsciously our past could sabotage us from experiencing our deepest desire for love. We tend to constantly push away the love we want. We need to recognize the importance of our inner processes if we want to find the right relationship partner. When someone finds their potential partner who is also good for in the long run, they have done the work.
If you keep attracting the wrong men for you, it could either happen because your subconscious mind is guiding you towards what you already know, and feels familiar. If we have a choice between two things, one is familiar, and the other is the subject of our desire, we usually pick what feels familiar. So if love was painful as a child, you could struggle with what feels authentic. What was demonstrated to you as love could be very far from your longing for love.
You should prepare, and guard your heart every time you encounter a new relationship, and its intensity blows you away… That initial addictive feeling would feel like love to you, but you should always give it ample time before jumping to conclusions! These beginning feelings arise from our subconscious mind, which can’t judge!! We cannot rationalize in the very beginning whether this person is good or bad for us. First, we must get to know them!
When Loving from a Place of Survival
Because you survived certain connections in your past emotionally, your subconscious sends you the message that such relationships could be good for you, as you already overcome them. You could be quite attracted to avoidant or emotionally unavailable men for no obvious reason when it doesn’t feel good and you are aware of this. But chances are, you are letting your chemistry overwrite your gut feelings and logic.
Turning these patterns around requires work and effort, and changing what feels familiar. But first, you have to believe there’s a great person for you out there. The other reason could be for attracting people who aren’t good for you, is your unhealed unloved part. Many people have unresolved past issues. So you need to give enough attention, face, and love to yourself. This could be loving and accepting your feelings, looks, being ashamed of something, etc.
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When you aren’t in touch with yourself, you could be looking to fill in those gaps from the outside while craving for your unloved parts to go away. So you could want others to love you instead of yourself, unconsciously demanding others to provide you with the love you aren’t giving to yourself. The same goes for those who deliberately ignore you trying to get energy this way. When we don’t love ourselves we still attract potential partners, just not the best ones.
You Have Been Waiting for Yourself
Chances are, we are going to attract people who aren’t going to accept or love us. Or those who cannot connect healthily because they don’t love themselves either. They aren’t capable of building meaningful connections or loving relationships. If you don’t believe you deserve to be loved for yourself, you can easily push away the love you seek. You can spend painful years feeling you aren’t lovable. It helps to think of yourself as the One you have been waiting for…
By accepting all parts of yourself, you can remove the blocks that stop you from attracting wrong relationships, so the right people can show up in your life. Like many of us do, you could also be beating yourself up, and treating yourself badly instead of loving and forgiving yourself. If you are stuck on this level, your subconscious will find you a man who will be the exact mirror of how poorly you treating yourself. The man in your life will do what you are doing to yourself.
We all have been there. A man who keeps disappearing, or avoiding you, inconsistent, doesn’t follow through, not treating you well, embracing you even as a co-worker, or not loving you as a romantic partner, you could start blaming yourself. Many times we keep on trying to change the situation, our romantic partner, or co-worker who doesn’t want to improve a bit, instead of moving on.
When Your Partner is Expressing Your Emotions
If you don’t want to face that part of yourself that feels angry or anxious for whatever reason, you were maybe raised to be too nice and hold back your anger, etc. You will perhaps attract an angry or anxious man. It applies to any of your emotions. You will feel liberated as he is expressing all your anger for you. So if your life is short of something, you are probably going to look for a romantic partner who can fill that up.
It is also true for people with who you surround yourself. If you criticize or second guess yourself because of them it reflects how you are treating yourself. You should forgive your inner critic to beat you up, embrace and love it. When you say thanks to that inner voice for protecting you, you can better attract men and other people who want to love, accept, and support you.
Attracting Both Kind and Manipulative People
It can also happen that you attract both types of people, supportive and difficult ones. Most of us tend to attract both types. There will probably always be damaged people coming across your path but you can wave them in with love without getting involved. What truly works, if you turn away from what you don’t want and focus on what you do want. If certain people in your life keep disappointing you, commit to better work opportunities, friendships, or relationships.
Turning Things Around
To attract better relationships, you need to examine your masculine energy, which helps you achieve things. If we consider the spiritual teaching that all is one, then things outside of you are an extension of yourself. It can be very helpful to recognize the men you meet as the mirrors of your masculine energy. You attract and meet the type of men who embody what’s going on within. If you are self-critical, men will pop up in your experience who criticize you.
They could make you feel like you are never good enough, and they would always come up with excuses why they can’t fullly commit. When your masculine energy isn’t taking care of your feminine energy which experiences, feels, receives, and expresses things, you will keep attracting men who continually disappoint you. Even though there are good men out there, as long as you are treating yourself badly, you are going to see and attract them.
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You should ask yourself, How is your masculine energy showing up in the men you are attracting? Where are you abandoning yourself if your attract men who abandon you? What parts of you aren’t loving if men make you feel like you aren’t good enough? Where are you not committing to yourself if you attract men who don’t intend to commit? Where are you not prioritzing yourself in your life, if men don’t want to make you a priority?
Blaming Yourself Doesn’t Bring Results
Before trying to beat up yourself for the state of your love life, just remember the type of men it would attract you. Men who would want to do the same to you emotionally. What truly helps is to recognize your patterns so you can start turning things around. You could shift who you attract a lot faster than you may think. To attract men and people who want to commit and treat you well, as well as make you a priority in their life, you need to start treating yourself well.
It’s very important to give these to yourself first: all the love, care and respect you want from others and your potential partner. Some women have a pattern of falling for men who are emotionally unavailable and keep them at a distance. These men usually only give you enough attention to keep you around and hope for change, they keep you guessing. But they cannot commit truly to make you feel secure in a relationship. Such connections usually stay that way…
What Could Bring Results
To have faith in yourself, and believe that the man of your dreams, as well as the perfect job, friends, connections, exist for you! To be able to attract them, you have to say no to those that aren’t good for you! It usually takes a big leap for everyone to step out of their comfort zone, and say yes to things they deserve. And many of us have to go through this process as we expand! Many women are initially attracted to men who keep them at a distance because it feels safe.
When you are not ready for true emotional connection for whatever reason, you could be stuck in this pattern. Even if the way men treat you doesn’t feel right. When you are surrounded by the right people and men in your life, you will feel balanced and grounded. You’ll always know where you stand with them because they will let you know, won’t keep you guessing and waiting. Without games, their actions will show that they want to be in your life.
As opposed to people who are not good for you, the right people for you won’t make you feel uncomfortable, stressed, imbalanced in any way. You won’t feel obsessive or have that kind of longing when you are with someone that isn’t serious about you, or always feel slightly distant. It could be a hint, that such men or people perfectly align with your childhood wounds, or are similar to your past relationship patterns that haven’t worked.
Being Surrounded by the Right People
When you are surrounded by the right people, things feel comfortable and like you are in your flow. Certainly not being stressed and constantly worried feeling worn out, and like you are only a supply in others’ life. An interesting fact is that we experience excitement and fear in our bodies similarly. What’s different is the conversation within. The two feelings can get mixed up for people with difficult love lives or even abuse in their past.
Instead of fear, they tend to feel excitement. This means the intense obsessive feelings when you are with a man are never a good sign. It is often a signal from your subconscious telling you to run, as it is aware this person isn’t right for you! You should be aware that intense feelings do not equal true love, even if they stir up your feelings. And remind you of what you may experience as love, most probably in your childhood.
Once You Understand the Message You Are Free
Your lack of self-acceptance can cause you to feel instant chemistry with men who aren’t a great match. You should ask yourself, what parts of you aren’t accepting? That makes you attracted to the type of person who isn’t fully accepting you for who you are. Our minds can put us in the same situations over and over again. It is trying to find a solution, but you can never win this game. Once you understand its message, you are no longer attracted to such people.
You then are free to move on to the right person and people for you, and finally, get the relationship of your dreams. Don’t forget, it takes a huge leap. Everyone says your feelings will indicate the right partner for you. If you fall for the wrong type of people, are you willing to give that tendency up for someone completely new? You must trust yourself that you can move from what feels familiar to you into an unknown world that you truly need.
You aren’t less because you are living a single life, remember that many people suffer in their relationships. By choosing yourself, you could return to the steering wheel of your power, and remind yourself that a state of love, especially today, can be reached in many forms beyond being romantically involved with someone. It is not on us to decide when our dream job or partner arrives, and how long we stay together. We can only do our best.
In time, everything comes to an end; your job is to remain comfortable within your skin. To find a way where you can be peaceful, happy, and enjoy life to the fullest with or without a romantic partner. Men and people you attract are an extension of your masculine energy, observe where you find connections to turn things around. While you are alone, use the time to grow into your fullest potential and find that special place within that sees you as complete and whole already.
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